Do you ever just feel like writing?
Sometimes I just want to write. I want to get all my thoughts out of my head onto something tangible, like a screen or paper. Not necessarily to share with anyone or to get a point across, just to simply share a story.
I have resisted working on my book for months now. I keep relighting the fire within me to get going again, try to make it happen, and then feel uninspired. Something about that book just does not feel right. I am not sure if it is the way I am looking at it or the format or the contents or what, but I know I have to change something before I can ever expect to make progress.
It almost feels like the project is not mine anymore. It helped me get through that time in my life, I learned what I needed to learn, and now I want to be done with it. But I am not done with it. No where close to being done with it. People keep asking me how the book is going, either out of genuine curiosity or plain courtesy, either way I give them the same answer.
"Eh it is fine, I need to work on it more." I say that and I never do. I do not want to. It just is not making sense. It is hard and impersonal and I do not feel like my true thoughts are coming through. Something about it just is not right.
Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just tabled the whole thing for now and instead made a collection of my journal entries tracking my self-improvement journey. A sort of coming of age thing where readers can follow along and they too can become exposed to the resources I was for their own personal development.
I am really not sure and I am feeling pretty lost with it all. I will say that I feel much more confident in my writing than I did a year ago. I have whipped this blog up in a few minutes and will probably post it without much thought. That might be due to the fact that I know that very few, if any people, are reading this.
When I tell a story, when I write or speak from my heart, I love it. It feels natural. When I try to share thoughts with an outcome or strategy in mind to please the people, I feel turned off. Creating content that certain groups of people want to hear or optimizing my writing for certain key terms just feels like a chore and gives me a bad taste in my mouth. I do not want to do that.
What I want to do is share ideas, but not ideas people want to hear, the real ones that I actually have. Whether or not they are accepted by society or supported by science, just to share these wild, maybe even impossible ideas. What ever happened to people's sense of wonder?
Everyone wants facts and science, which makes sense when it is coming from a reputable source you want to trust. But what if it was just coming from my brain? Wouldn't that be real because all I can be is me?
Who knows, I guess I just sometimes feel confined by the structure of life and how everything you do has to fit into a certain category. Sometimes I just want to exist and to create and to share without thinking about whether the market will like it or not. I do not want to follow the entrepreneur's playbook and follow my ten step guide to success, I just want to experience and to share in my own way. Is that a thing?
Perhaps that is how the greats became greats? They just created with no ulterior motive in mind and somehow it turned into something beautiful.
Who really knows. . . I can tell that these next few weeks are going to bring some real self reflection. Hopefully the kind that leads to breakthroughs and progression. Only time will tell.
Until then, let's enjoy the ride.