Nothing Needs To Be All-Or-Nothing

Up until I was about 15 years old, I was a professional empty notebook collector. I'd get super excited to get a new journal, vow to write in it every single day, and then about 5 days in, miss a day and quit forever.

I wouldn't write anything for months, and then I would decide to start writing again every single day. Because after all, what's the point of a journal if you're not going to write in it every single day?

I missed out on collecting a lot of precious memories by allowing myself to have that sort of mindset. When I was 15, that changed. I got the most beautiful hand bound journal in NYC around Christmastime. It felt magical to me and I decided to change the way I looked at journaling. I would capture my emotions, good and bad, my words, my thoughts, whenever I felt like it.

There was to be no expectation to write everyday nor any disappointment if I didn't write for a while. I am so glad that I allowed myself to have a continuous unfinished piece of work rather than stress out and keep stopping whenever I messed up.

Now, I have notebooks filled with thoughts that capture my journey from a teen to my early 20s. I continue to write and follow a similar pattern for this blog. If nothing else, it will be cool to look back in a few years to see how I've progressed.

If you're not much of a writer, I recommend you try it out. It doesn't have to be sappy or even daily. You don't have to recount everything you did that day, just write even just a note or two, for your eyes only if you want. Your future self will be excited to view them in a few years.

That being said, here's a little snippet I just found that I wrote in December 2017. I was 21, still a junior in college, and I was acontemplating leaving. Little did I know that leaving school prematurely would be one of the best decisions I ever made.

December 2017

Why I hate going to college:

Mostly everyone only thinks what everyone else thinks because everyone else thinks it. They are so judgmental- there's no room to express your own opinions.

They focus on the wrong things. I have taken a class for the last 3 months just for the credit. I take notes I never look at, and I learn material I'm never tested on. Why learn info I don't know if I'm ever going to use? I'd rather find what I need to know and then learn that.

Why am I spending time learning things I'm not interested in with people I don't enjoy spending time with?

If I dropped out, what would I do?

[a few pages later]

After much thought, an idea that I have been sitting on for a year now. I have decided to take some time off from school. My course work does not excite me and I find the social politics to be quite toxic. At this point in my life, I don't believe staying here is best for my health. I am leaving to try new experiences and push myself out of my comfort zone.

Depending on the course of the next 3 months, I may or may not return in the fall. I am leaving that option open.

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