Finding friends you really vibe with can be difficult. If you've experienced a falling out with friends, you are not alone. Here are some specific things you can do to cultivate friendships that are truly uplifting.
The biggest mindset shift you can have when it comes to friendships is to understand that you have a choice of whether to float or swim through your friendships.
Once you make this mindset shift to start swimming, here are 3 things you can do to build meaningful friendships:
1.Swim toward friends you want
Do a Sun & Clouds list about the friends in your life
This will show you what types of people you like being around and will give you direction on where to swim
You can also write down what communities and activities make you come alive
Go to those places to start meeting people
2. Swim to a group culture that uplifts
Once you start building or join a good friend group, get together every six months and brainstorm about how the group can be more uplifting
The quality of your friendships directly relates to your ability to have uncomfortable conversations
3.swim away from negative friendships
If the people you are surrounded by aren't fans of step number 2, or are just negative in general, swim away
Society tends to shame people who move on from old friends, but if those friendships are no longer serving you, don't be afraid to move on
With these steps, you will likely face some rejection. That's okay. If you do, that just means that person is not meant for you. Avoid letting your fear control you, and instead go out and try! There are people out there waiting for a friend like you.
"You deserve a friend group that is uplifting and shares your values."
Best of Q&A
What if you feel like you are always the one initiating?
Friendships are like anything else in life, you have no idea what is going on with other people. Some people are in the place to gain a new friend, others are too overwhelmed with what they are dealing with. There are different types of friendships, some you create more time and attention for than others. Essentially, don't take it personally, and keep swimming towards uplifting friendships.
How can you give off the right energy so that people are drawn to you?
We have an entire charisma for introverts mentor session to look forward to, but for now, think about what part of your soul is dying to get out that you admire in others, and express that.
Is it okay to stay in a physical place where you aren't making any beneficial friendships?
If you're still in a place that is shutdown due to the virus, use digital thunderstorms to your advantage. You may feel like you are in a small lake right now, when you want to be in the vast ocean, but understand that you are not going to be there forever.
Should you be looking for individuals or groups to swim towards?
Either, but typically if you find a good friend that aligns with your values, by default you will find more friends through them.
When a friend betrays you, what do you do?
This is tough, but congratulations. At least they showed you that they are not the uplifting friend you want in your life. There are two ways you can respond to being burnt, to either treat it like your biggest enemy or like your best friend. Use this to fuel you and swim towards new and better friendships.
This post is in relation to Alex Banayan's Third Door Mentor Sessions.
Topic for Tuesday 6/9: Self-Judgment, Criticism, and Feedback